


Tremors

by howldax



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Falling In Love, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Medical Conditions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-14
Updated: 2018-03-14
Packaged: 2019-03-31 02:39:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,944
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13965573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/howldax/pseuds/howldax
Summary: So maybe Todd's perception of regular-weird is a little distorted, post-Dirk. Everything changed when Dirk came into his life.





	Tremors

**Author's Note:**

> two fics? in ONE week? i'm so powerful now
> 
> potentially a couple of mild medical-related tws? i'll put them in the end notes to avoid spoilers, but they're pretty minor i think... other than that, mentions of canon-level blackwing garbage, along with some thoroughly googled but probably not accurate medical stuff!

Most things about Dirk are weird, but some are - are _really_ weird, weird enough that Todd thinks about them maybe more than he should.   
  
Weird but only regular-weird is Dirk pouring 6 sachets of choco dust into an espresso shot before he drinks it, instead of just ordering a mocha. Regular-weird is how Dirk always seems to simultaneously know exactly what he's doing and have no idea what's happening at all. Regular-weird is Dirk insisting on dragging Todd down some dark, dingy alleyway on an intuition, completely hijacking their case-free plans to instead search for an Unknown Something that Dirk needs to find.   
  
So maybe Todd's perception of regular-weird is a little distorted, post-Dirk. Everything changed when Dirk came into his life.   
  
But all those things are either odd but harmless personality quirks (choco dust) or directly the fault of the universe, as a wider concept (alleyway hijinks). Regular-weird is often baffling, bemusing or alarming, or outright terrifying, but it's right. Todd can feel it sometimes, like Dirk's rubbing off on him, lending him a little power to feel the stream of creation around them.   
  
The Really Weird Things are... wrong. Todd isn't sure if it's the universe saying so, or just him knowing what's normal for a person (even a person as bonkers as Dirk) and what really, really isn't.   
  
One Really Weird Thing is how sometimes, Dirk's hands start shaking - so violently that it reminds Todd, unhelpfully, of Amanda's pararibulitis attacks; the first time it happened he'd panicked automatically, Dirk's shaky reassurances that this is fine, this is normal! doing little to calm him down - and nothing that Dirk or Todd or Farah or anyone does seems to stop it until it stops itself.   
  
"What _was_ that?" Todd asks, that first time, residual adrenaline still pounding through his veins. Dirk shrugs avoidantly.   
  
"Oh, you know," he says, tilting his head so he doesn't have to meet Todd's eyes. His bottom lip is quivering a little. "Just a thing."   
  
"A thing! A _thing?_ That's all you're going to say? That - that isn't normal, Dirk, normal people's hands don't do that! Are you okay?"   
  
Todd takes hold of Dirk's hands between his palms, feeling little twitches under the skin like aftershocks. Dirk looks at him with wide eyes, painfully vulnerable, his eyes shiny.   
  
"I don't want to talk about it," he says, in that small, sad voice that makes Todd's protective instincts kick into overdrive. "I know it's not _normal_ , I-" Whatever he was about to say, he cuts himself off, lips pressed together, and Todd's known him long enough to recognise that he's close to crying. It's only been a few days, really, but Dirk wears his whole heart on his sleeve, from what Todd can tell - reading him is, generally, pretty simple.   
  
"I didn't..." Todd sighs. "I didn't mean you're not normal, or that, ugh, there's something wrong with you as a _person_ , Dirk." Dirk perks up, looking painfully hopeful. "I'm just worried. Most people don't have uncontrollable hand tremors, and... usually when I see that kind of shaking, it's when Amanda's having an attack. It's not... good for you. Good in general, I - have you seen a doctor?"   
  
Dirk's eyes go wide, and somehow more tearful, and he says "Oh, _Todd_ ," and looks him directly in the eyes. "I'm _so_ sorry," he says, with utmost sincerity. "I didn't even think, stupid Dirk! Of course it would upset you, with the pararibulitis - and it must remind you of your attacks, a little, god!" Dirk's hands are suddenly holding Todd's, instead of the other way around, and he says, "Next time I'll leave the room when it starts happening, if I can. It'll be like it doesn't even happen!" he adds, spreading his fingers in the air between them then hiding them behind his back. It takes Todd a moment to understand what's just happened, and another to fight through his guilt at lying (even if it's more by omission than anything else) to yet another person about having pararibulitis, and then suddenly he's furious.   
  
"Leave the room? Dirk, I - I don't want you to hide them, I want you not to have them!"   
  
"Well, that's asking a bit much," Dirk says, perturbed. "I can't exactly stop them, you know."   
  
"I don't mean it like that, asshole!" Todd says, a little shrilly. Dirk looks distinctly taken-aback, his hands held questioningly in front of his chest like T-Rex arms. "I mean, I'm worried about the fact you have them in the first place! I think you should see a, a doctor or something, because this has to suck for _you_ to have to deal with! Who gives a fuck about _me_ here!"   
  
"I do!" Dirk says, sounding somehow offended that Todd's making this about him, and then his expression shifts into a shy smile that he can't quite hide, and he says, "You worry about me?" like he can't quite believe it.   
  
Another thing that kicks Todd's protective instinct up at least 3 notches is how Dirk seems to genuinely believe everyone around him hates him, on some level, or at least doesn't truly give a shit about him. Anytime Todd, Farah or Amanda say anything that even implies they like him, his whole face lights up, disbelief and joy in equal measure.   
  
"Of course I do!" Todd exclaims, throwing his hands up in exasperation.  
  
Dirk's smile turns distinctly pleased, as much as he's trying to hide it. "You're a wonderful assistfriend, Todd," he says, with so much genuine affection that Todd's not sure how to deal with it all. Before he can reply, Dirk chirps "Right, let's go, we have a case to solve!", tugging on one of his many colourful jackets. He bounces through the door and Todd realises, too late, that he never actually got any answers about the tremors.   
  
So that's the first Really Weird Thing.   
  
The second thing happens when they're out digging up pieces of some weird machine, Dirk's face covered in pink plasters, both of them soaked through with sweat. Despite the fact that they've been digging for hours, Dirk seems determined that they're on the right path, and he's giving Todd an actually pretty inspiring little speech about not giving up in the face of despair - Todd's beginning to suspect that Dirk's life has been even more terrible than he'd already been thinking, for him to have such a desperate view on survival - when the shovel drops out of his hands and he lists dramatically over to the side, landing on his butt with a startled noise. Todd rushes over. "Dirk!"   
  
"Sorry, sorry," Dirk says, standing up with a wince, Todd's hands on his back and elbow supporting him the whole way. "Just a little loss of balance, nothing to worry over."  
  
Todd lets go, and immediately grabs back hold when Dirk trying to  keep himself standing very quickly turns into Dirk falling over again. "Dude," Todd says, "are you okay?"   
  
"Oh, yes," Dirk says assuredly. "Just a little pins and needles in my leg." He lifts a hand and his fingers twitch. He frowns in concentration, and his fingers curl in a little more, curling and stretching them alternately. "And in my hand," he says. "It'll pass, and then back to digging this last hole!" He looks at Todd, eyes bright, and says, "This is the last push! The one that does it! I'm absolutely certain!"   
  
"Pins and needles from what?" Todd says, bemused. "You were standing up - pins and needles is from blood vessels being compressed when you sit on them weird, right?"   
  
"You have so much knowledge that I don't expect, Todd," Dirk says fondly, completely avoiding the question, and Todd suddenly remembers the tremors.   
  
"Is this - is this another thing you're not going to tell me about? Like the tremors?" Todd asks. "Are they related?"   
  
Dirk ducks his head. "We-ell," he says, wheedling. "They're not exactly... _un_ related, certainly."   
  
"Is this..." Todd remembers Dirk's face when he insisted he isn't psychic, the discomfort evident in his expression and posture when he talked about Blackwing. "Is this something to do with Blackwing? What did they do to you?"   
  
It's the wrong thing to say, he realises too late. Dirk's face shutters off, his eyes dark, and he says, "All better!" pushing himself away from Todd and staggering a little but managing to stay upright, grabbing the spade and pretending he isn't leaning on it. His forehead is creased like he has a headache - he gets those often, painful things that make his voice tense and strained, so Todd can recognise the signs by now. He scrabbles in his pocket for painkillers and hands two over. Dirk swallows them gratefully, giving him a shy little smile. "Thanks, Todd," he says, softly. "Told you you're not an asshole."   
  
Todd smiles back, despite himself.   
  
That night he googles "random hand tremors cause", and the internet tells him that Dirk probably has a tumour. Todd thinks that it would be pretty cruel of the universe to give Dirk a potentially fatal brain condition, but then again, the universe is meant to be impartial. Maybe them still being alive, through death rooms and being shot at and hostage situations and just, everything that's happened the last few days, actually, is just the universe leading them to their deaths.   
  
He can't believe that. He can't, and he won't, because what kind of shitty world would leave Dirk without a single friend for - god knows how long, but everything about Dirk suggests that it's been most of his life, only to kill him when he's finally not alone?  
  
He googles "brain tumour symptoms", just in case.   
  
"Hey, Dirk, you haven't been, uh, seeing double, or having trouble remembering things, have you?"   
  
Dirk, who had been lying on the floor staring at the ceiling, very obviously trying to hide how his right hand is trembling at his side, rolls onto his stomach and props his chin up on the heel of his left palm.  
  
"Not that I can recall, no," Dirk says thoughtfully, not seeming to register the irony of that reply. "Have you?" He bolts upwards into a kneeling position. "Todd, do you remember who I am? It's me, Dirk Gently. We-"   
  
"I'm not having any problems," Todd interrupts, before he can get any further. "I'm completely fine. Just... wondered."   
  
Dirk gives him a very serious look, then lies back down, staring at the ceiling again. "Well, if you want to ask me any more bizarre health questions, I'll be on the floor," he says cheerfully, closing his eyes. The tremor in his hand has subsided, for now. "Though I didn't know you were medically inclined, Todd - I'm very impressed."   
  
"Are you having any, uh, trouble swallowing, or speaking? Is it hard to move one side of your body, or anything?"   
  
"No, Todd," Dirk says, obviously humouring him. "This is a rather unexpected flight of fancy - are you sure you're alright?"   
  
He's told Dirk about faking pararibulitis, now. Todd never thought he'd tell anyone, thought he'd just let the guilt eat its way through him until he was riddled with holes, like a moth-infested scarf. He doesn't want to scare Dirk, but - he reasons - if Dirk _does_ have a brain tumour, he pretty much definitely deserves to know about it.   
  
"I'm okay, Dirk," Todd says heavily. "But I think you might not be."   
  
Dirk sits up properly, his hands resting on his knees as he crosses his legs. They're shaking a little again. "What do you mean?" he asks, looking lost, and a bit scared. "I'm fine."   
  
Todd sighs. "This is going to sound so, so dumb-"   
  
"Nothing you say is dumb, Todd," Dirk says immediately, then frowns. "Though, what you said about the man at the petrol station the other day was of debatable merit, actually."   
  
"He was _shifty_ ," Todd protests hotly, then shakes his head to clear it. "No, we're talking about you."   
  
Dirk visibly shrinks, curling his shoulders inwards. "Did I do something wrong?" he asks. His voice sounds too small, too nervous.  
  
"You haven't done anything wrong," Todd says. He doesn't have the most reassuring tone, but it seems to work; Dirk sits up somewhat, eyes fixed completely on Todd. "I'm just... it's your tremors, and your headaches, and your weird pins and needles that can't be pins and needles because that's not how it works. I know you don't want to talk about it-"   
  
"Todd," Dirk says quietly.   
  
"-but they're worrying symptoms, Dirk! Amanda ripped up the lottery ticket, but I'm sure I can piece it back together again, and then we'll be able to afford whatever medical care you need-"  
  
"Todd," Dirk says again.   
  
"Because you can't just, can't just ignore shit like this! I googled your symptoms, the ones I've noticed, and they're all signs of really bad shit, like strokes, or _brain tumours_ , and-"   
  
"Todd, listen," Dirk says, beginning to look frustrated. Todd keeps talking - they can't ignore it all anymore, as much as Dirk apparently wants to.   
  
"-I don't want to lose you, Dirk!" Todd says, the words bursting out of his chest, his heart hammering. It's not what he was going to say, but it's true, he realises - he's not just scared for Dirk, he's scared for _himself_ , because Dirk's the most interesting person he's ever met in his life and he makes Todd feel special in ways nobody else has ever bothered to. God, he's still so fucking selfish.   
  
Dirk is staring at him like he's hung the stars. "You... you don't want to lose me?" he says, almost awed. "Do you mean - you want to be my assistant even after the case is over?" A smile creeps across his face, and he says, encouragingly, "You want to be part of my detective agency?"   
  
"I want to be-"   
  
Todd stops. He realises, with a shock, that he doesn't know how he was going to finish that sentence. Dirk's little smile fades into something Todd can't figure out.   
  
"Todd?"   
  
"I need you to be okay," Todd says carefully, deciding not to think about what he _does_ want to be to Dirk. "You're my best friend, Dirk, and I don't understand why you won't get help!"   
  
"I can't _be_ helped, Todd." Dirk's looking at him, but only just - Todd thinks his need to watch Todd's face is probably overriding his need to hide his own, for something this important.   
  
"You- what? How do you know? Have you even tried?"   
  
"Well, no," Dirk admits, but raises his voice and says, very quickly over the start of Todd's protest, "but I've looked online and I've even called a couple of people and as far as I can tell there's probably nothing to be done, so. That's that! I'm sorry to have worried you, b-"   
  
"Do you know what's causing all of it?" Todd asks, and Dirk's face twists a little. He nods.  
  
"But I- I really don't want to discuss it. It's something... you were right, in thinking that it's something from Blackwing, and I really want to tell you, but I just don't think I'm ready, if that's alright?"   
  
There's a moment where Todd considers telling him that no, it's not alright, that he has to tell Todd right now, but Todd has a terrible feeling that Dirk would prioritise his friendship with Todd over his own wants without much hesitation and do it, and then Todd would feel like a piece of shit (deservedly) and it would hurt Dirk, which is more important. So instead he says, "And it's not a brain tumour? Because that would explain why you have so many terrible, awful ties. Only someone who's brain damaged c-"   
  
"Hey! My ties are very high quality, thank you very much!" Dirk protests, but he's smiling, and when Todd glances over at him again a moment later Dirk gives him a little nod and mouths "thank you,", his eyes soft, and Todd thanks the universe that he isn't the person he was 10 years ago, because back then he would've definitely made Dirk tell him, and as he is now he doesn't think he'd be able to forgive himself.   
  
Later, sat in a literal fucking cage, having been literally fucking _electrocuted_ , Todd has a vindictive little moment where he wishes he _had_ made Dirk tell him.   
  
Dirk, who's probably bleeding out across the cage from him, seems less bothered about the fact that he's probably bleeding out than the fact that Todd's still mad at him. The bolt in his shoulder seems to be making his tremors worse in that arm; his hand keeps making dry thudding noises against the concrete floor.   
  
"You saved me," Dirk says. "You shouldn't have, really. I'm probably electric shock-proof, at this point."   
  
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Todd snaps. Dirk hasn't lost a lot of blood yet, as far as he can tell - he should still be making _some_ sense.   
  
"The tremors," Dirk says, breathing heavily. "That's what they're from. Blackwing likes using negative reinforcement. A lot," he adds, making a face that implies he thinks it's barbaric, overkill and completely useless all at once. "Or is it called positive punishment? I can never remember, you know, always getting the two confused - anyway, whatever it's called, I spent a lot of time being given electric shocks, when I was younger. The crossbow might not have even killed me, probably."   
  
"You- what?" Todd takes a moment to sift through the huge amount of questions he wants to ask and pick one. "How much did they - do that?"   
  
"Oh, most days," Dirk says, flapping the hand furthest from the crossbow bolt dismissively. "You really get used to it, after a couple of years."   
  
"Years?" Farah says, sounding horrified, and Todd is still so fucking mad at Dirk, but he's starting to feel like he could understand why Dirk did what he did. He's only been electrocuted one time, and that was more than enough experience with it to last a lifetime. If he'd been electrocuted and kept in isolation for years he might destroy someone's life for a friend, too.   
  
"Oh, yes," Dirk says. "I was in there for _such_ a long time. It was..." He pauses, then ventures, "somewhat unpleasant?"   
  
Farah gives him a look like she's about to kick his ass, just on principle. "Unpleasant? You know you're allowed to use stronger words than that, right? God, Dirk," and she continues fiddling with her bra to get the wire out. "It sounds like a hellhole."   
  
Todd guesses Dirk must have talked to Farah about Blackwing at some point, too, and pushes down the wave of jealousy that surges into his throat at the thought. "So you get tremors, pins and needles, headaches? Because they used to..."   
  
"Well," Dirk starts, in the tone of voice that means he thinks whatever he's about to explain is very interesting and they should all listen. "My best theory is that the repeated exposure to electric current damaged my nerves, a little irreparably, and now they sometimes send the wrong signal, or too many, and that's why I get the tremors. The headaches I assume follow a similar principle, but it's less extreme because they used lower, um, volts? Lower electric-y levels there, because they were worried they'd damage my brain. And sometimes they just stop functioning sort of, altogether, for a moment, and that's when bits go numb!"   
  
There's a moment of silence, and then Farah says, "Can't you take beta blockers or something for that? Surely there's got to be options. Nerve damage is a common side effect to a lot of different injury types or conditions." When she sees Todd staring, she flushes a little and says, "You have to know what damage a bullet can do, if you use a gun. And I studied a few martial arts, so I know the main nerve clusters in the body and stuff. It's not that weird, to know, especially in my line of work, and actually-"   
  
"Beta blockers aren't an option," Dirk says. He's slumping further down the bars, his eyes glazed slightly. "They mess with my connection to the universe, make my intuitions harder to - to feel, or something. 'M not sure." He sighs. "If I'm to stop having tremors, I'm sure I will. The universe would make it happen."   
  
Todd doesn't really know what to say to that, so he doesn't say anything.  
  
He doesn't say anything about it for the rest of the day, either. It seems less pressing, when they finally have both Lydia and the corgi and the machine, and there's deafening gunfire in the hallway where Farah and Estevez are trying to shoot Rimmer before he can shoot them, and Dirk has not one but two crossbow bolts in him, now, blood soaking his shirt and smearing across his jacket, and there's two wackos in a bellhop uniform who are here to kill Dirk and then aren't, for some reason, and there's far too much to think about to waste energy thinking about Dirk's dark, terrible past.   
  
Unfortunately, that also means there's too much to think about to stay mad at Dirk, too, especially when he's dying across the room (they both deny it, but Dirk certainly is, and Todd can feel himself slipping too, the electrocution finally taking its toll as his adrenaline starts running out and his body re-registers the huge amount of pain he's in). Dirk's tremors are the worst Todd's ever seen them, and his lips have gone this unhealthy shade of grey that makes Todd's stomach drop, despite his best intentions (which were, of course, to walk away from Dirk and his stupid stream of creation as soon as he could, not to look at Dirk and think _god, if he dies, I don't know what I'll do)_.  
  
They have to wind the crank to send the machine back, Dirk slipping a piece of paper into the machine with a violently shaking hand - the note must be barely readable, Todd thinks - and when Dirk's hand shakes so badly he can barely even hold the handle, Todd places his hand on top of it to hold it in place. Dirk looks at him, and Todd wishes that he hadn't said any of the things he did, wishes Dirk knew how much he means to him, but instead he nods at Dirk and sees his own determination mirrored in Dirk's eyes as together, the three of them _push_ and complete the time loop.   
  
After that, there's a lot of passing out, and waking up in hospital, and being discharged under strict instructions to take it easy and keep stress to a minimum. Todd wanders around the hospital for a bit, feeling like an idiot but feeling more intensely like he needs to find something before he can leave, and after about 45 minutes he manages to find what the universe has been pointing him towards.   
  
Dirk.  
  
He looks better than when Todd last saw him, thankfully, his face back to its usual pale but healthy pink, his lips red like he's been biting them. He's asleep now, and Todd doesn't want to disturb him, but there's something about seeing Dirk in washed out hospital greys that makes him feel nauseous, after days of bright jackets and brighter smiles. He steps hesitantly into the room, feeling like an intruder, and crosses it to perch on the bed next to Dirk's hip.   
  
"Dirk?" he says quietly. Dirk doesn't stir. Todd looks down at the hand closest to him, the one without the wounds in the same shoulder. It's trembling, very slightly.   
  
Todd gives into his impulse and slips his hand underneath, loosely linking his and Dirk's fingers together. Dirk's hand is warm and smooth, his long fingers sliding between Todd's like they're meant to be there. Dirk sighs in his sleep.   
  
Todd stays there until he starts to get hungry, at which point he thinks that he should probably get something to eat and maybe a change of clothes, too, for both him and Dirk. There's no point pretending that he's going to do anything other than stay at Dirk's side. His anger is - gone, really. If there was a time loop, the stream of creation leading everyone and everything in an unstoppable cycle, Todd figures that whatever Dirk did, he would've been dragged into it somehow if he was meant to be involved. And, once he'd managed to get past his own anger, his own hurt, he had to admit that Dirk didn't know what would happen in the future. His future self hadn't warned him about Todd's landlord, or the Rowdy 3 destroying Todd's apartment, or Amanda hating him now, or really any of the terrible things that happened to them both. Todd remembers the look on Dirk's face when he called Todd his best friend, the look on the past Dirk's face - the amazement of having a best friend briefly overcoming past-Dirk's bafflement.  
  
He buys a shitty granola bar from the hospital café, catches the bus home, and immediately passes out on the sofa.   
  
Amanda wakes him up and then leaves with the Rowdy 3, looking - Todd has to admit - very cool in the jacket they've given her, her nails painted bright green, a little bit of blood underneath them. Todd fills a backpack, grabbing the yellow jacket Dirk had been wearing when he first climbed through Todd's window and, after a moment's thought, making a stop into his apartment to pick up a Mexican Funeral t-shirt, as well.   
  
He arrives at the hospital as they're discharging Dirk, who's chatting eagerly away to the orderly wheeling him out, and as the orderly leaves, Dirk's shoulders slump a little.  
  
Todd comes within hearing distance just as Dirk says to himself, "Oh, well. Here I am again."   
  
Todd knows what he means, but he says, "Where?" anyway, watching Dirk's expression cycle through confusion to delight to wariness at the sight of him.   
  
"Todd, you're here," Dirk says.   
  
"Mm," Todd says.  
  
"But the case is over," Dirk says.   
  
"How's your shoulder?" Todd asks.   
  
"It's - terrible, actually," Dirk admits, placing a hand over it. His other hand starts shaking, just a little, as he presses down. Todd reaches out impulsively and holds it, linking their fingers as he did when Dirk was in the hospital bed.    
  
Dirk looks down at their joined hands and says, a little strangled, "Look, I don't - I don't understand? The case is over. Did you want something from me? Why are we holding hands? I - I can't help your situation, or take back what I did, or-"  
  
Todd lets go for a moment, swinging the backpack around so that he can open it and hand over Dirk's jacket. "Here," he says. "I got this from your apartment." Dirk takes it, looking dazed, and Todd takes the opportunity to take out the Mexican Funeral tshirt as well and hand that over. "I got this from my apartment," he says. "It's, um, a Mexican Funeral tshirt. I don't have many left, so try not to get shot in it."   
  
"Look, I'm sorry, but I don't understand," Dirk says again. "You - what do you want? Why are you here?"   
  
Todd reaches out and takes Dirk's hand again, the one not holding the tshirt and jacket in trembling fingers. "I'm here because I'm your friend," he says. "And, because apparently being honest is my thing, now, because I think I'm in love with you, Dirk."   
  
"Oh," Dirk says, a startled smile working its way onto his face, starting small and expanding until he's practically beaming. After a moment, he manages to wrest it under control, making a serious face. "You're - you're in love with me? _Really?_ "   
  
"Well, that's the theory I'm putting forward," Todd says, and Dirk recognises the twist on his own words, the smile breaking out again for a brief, beautiful moment.   
  
"How do you propose we test this theory?" Dirk asks, and Todd shucks the backpack onto the ground beside them, taking the tshirt and jacket and dropping them a little haphazardly on top of it.   
  
"I think I need to gather some data," Todd says.  
  
"Now, we're a _holistic_ agency, Mr Brotzman," Dirk says sternly, his nose wrinkling as he tries to keep the smile out of his voice. "There's no data collection, or searching for clues, or whatnot. The stream of creation, remember? Honestly, I thought you'd been paying atten-"   
  
"I guess I'll have to follow where the stream takes me, then," Todd says, interrupting him, and he cups Dirk's face in his hands and stretches up and kisses him.  
  
Dirk makes a little _"oh"_ sound against his mouth, and it's so tempting to draw the kiss out, to slide his tongue along Dirk's bottom lip and see if he'll make that noise again, but instead he just keeps kissing him for another few seconds, Dirk's hands coming up to shakily frame his face. He pulls back, trying and failing to not smile, and sees that Dirk isn't even trying, his smile wide and bright.   
  
"I'm going to just say," Dirk says, "that I'm a big fan of where the universe is taking us, right now."   
  
Todd laughs, giddy, and after a moment they're just stood there, laughing together, Dirk's hands still on Todd's face. Todd looks up at him, the soft, relieved look in his eyes, the beaming smile gentling on his face into something intensely loving, and can't resist kissing him again.   
  
Dirk's hands shaking might be a Really Weird Thing, Todd thinks, but the feel of them trembling against his skin is the most perfect thing in the world. 

**Author's Note:**

> so, tw for a brief mention of tumours & strokes, nerve damage, uncontrollable hand tremors and uhhhhhhh i think that's it? please lmk if there's anything else you think i should've tagged!
> 
> this fic came about bc i was just thinking about how dirk said that blackwing did the same kind of tests on him as a child as the ones we see in season 2, and i know ~the universe~ probably didn't let him get any long term physical damage from it buuuut i thought it might be interesting to explore! there isn't much info that i could find on low-level but seriously long-term electrocution so i had to use some more minor side effects of a high-level but one-time electric shock and hope it's at least,, somewhat accurate? feel free to let me know what you think! i'd love feedback on this <3
> 
> in this universe i like to think dirk has scars from the old equipment where it was used so much in the same place! little electrode marks on his chest/hands/sides of his head (covered by hair, which he's obviously grown out since blackwing), that kind of thing.


End file.
